Emotions Are a Privilege
by RosesAreForWriters
Summary: There's another symptom of PTSD that people don't really know about. Flashbacks are the most common, but this other one kind of affects other people more than the person having to deal with it. Cargan bromance, no slash.


**A/N: It's another plot bunny. I really seem to get hit by them at the strangest times...not really, I can hardly go to sleep at night, because that's when I think of them! Anyway, I looked up PTSD, and found something on Wikipedia that I knew people didn't really speak about when mentioning this disorder. Obviously, Logan has it, because in this fandom, he's our voodoo doll.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. There would be more Logan whumpage if I did.  
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_Emotions Are a Privilege_

"Man why can't I get this?" Carlos murmured to himself, as he sat on his bed. He was doing his math homework because Logan was going on a strike this week, and wouldn't do anybody's homework but his own.

"Maybe because you don't have a brain bigger than a peanut," Logan replied, from two beds down. He made it quieter than Carlos' comment because on some deeper level of his mind, he knew it wasn't a nice thing to say. Still, Carlos heard him, because it was silent in the room otherwise.

"Hey now, that's not very nice," he pointed out with a pout. Logan looked up from his own homework, a look on his face that was the same as if someone had just unexpectedly called out his name.

"Sorry," he complied, but no real tone to his voice. Carlos continued pouting, because dang it, he acted like this quite a bit. Logan said some mean things and he doesn't even put any sensitivity behind it! Carlos felt that sometimes _he_ was the one who got the worst of it.

"No you're not." Logan looked up again, still with no emotion on his face. He stared at Carlos for a while, then his features softened.

"I actually am. Really," he sighed, getting up, leaving his homework mostly finished. Carlos stared at the paper, not really sure of what to think of what just happened. Logan never says something mean, and then just goes off. He even left his homework, and that wasn't natural, not for him.

After a few minutes, Carlos got up to see where Logan went, and found Kendall in the living room, sitting on the orange couch with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Did Logan come through here?" Carlos asked, feeling like he already knew the answer. A second later, Kendall nodded once, not moving his sight from the ground.

"What did he say to you?" Kendall looked up at him when he finished the question. There was a deep wonder, confusion and disbelief in his eyes, and Carlos was certain he knew it was because of Logan.

"I told him that I felt we needed to practice more on one of our songs, because we didn't do our best on it yesterday, and then he said 'of course _you_ would say that.' He didn't even look at me! He just kept walking towards the door," Kendall finished with a lighter voice for the last sentence, slumping against the couch.

"Did he sound angry to you?" That was just one thing he needed an opinion about, whether Logan seemed mad about something.

"Not really. He didn't really seem to have any sort of expression. I mean, sometimes that's just him…but he seemed to be a little disgruntled about something." Carlos sighed, frustrated, and offered a hand to Kendall, which he took.

"Where are we going?" Kendall asked, following Carlos out the door.

"We're going to find Logan. This is just plain weird, and not in a good way," he answered with a determined tone.

"Did he say something to you, too?" Kendall asked, his bushy eyebrows still furrowed. They got down to the Palm Woods lobby.

"We were doing our homework, and he called me stupid. Or brainless. Either way, he did it with no real mental state. He does that more often than I'm comfortable with." They found James staring blankly, his mouth open, in the direction of the Palm Woods park, while he stood beside the pool. The other two boys knew why, just not the exact details.

"What did Logan say to you?" Kendall asked with authority. James glanced at him, before turning back to the way his body was facing.

"I asked him to tan with me, and he said "no. I don't want to be just another pretty plastic boy.' He didn't say it in any certain way…but it sounded mean! I'm not made of plastic!" James squeaked. His voice had gotten higher with each sentence. Carlos shook his head. Why was Logan acting this way?

"He said some mean and emotionless stuff to us too. We're going to find him…this is the strangest thing he's ever done. He never sprouts off this much stuff with no feeling attached." James followed them, Carlos still leading because he _did_ have a brain bigger than a peanut. James was staring at the Palm Woods park, no doubt they'd find him, or another "victim."

They found a few more people, who's expressions and body language directed them in the path Logan took. The other residents of the hotel didn't follow the three boys, which was more than fine for them. This was a best friend thing that they needed to discuss.

It took awhile, maybe thirty minutes, before they found Logan, who was sitting under a tree, his arms wrapped loosely around his legs, which were only up enough for his arms to be able to do so. He was staring blankly at the ground in front of him, and Carlos knew he was thinking seriously about something.

"Logan?" he called out softly when he got about ten feet away. Logan looked up in shock, and quickly got up, ready to run as fast as he could. Carlos held his hand out, trying to stop him. Logan hesitated.

"I'm sorry, really, I am," he insisted, but he didn't look it. Carlos wanted to make sure Logan could still actually _feel _anything besides physical pain.

"Dude, just follow us back to the apartment. If you do, maybe we'll believe you're actually sorry," Kendall told his best friend. Carlos and Logan had locked eyes and Logan knew that Kendall was telling the truth, and that he had some serious explaining to do.

Kendall and James, who were standing behind Carlos, started backing up, and Carlos started after them. After a few seconds they turned around because Logan started to take a few steps towards them. They walked silently back into the apartment building, and then into their own apartment.

Logan was the first to sit down on the couch, his arms folded across his chest, and James sat to his right, about a foot away. Carlos and Kendall stayed standing. Logan stared at the ground, not wanting to meet the three pairs of eyes that he knew needed answers. He _had_ the answers, but he _really_ didn't want to give them.

"I followed you. I'm sorry," he spoke stiffly, not moving his eyes, or any other parts of his body but his jaw.

"Sometimes you say some mean things, and there's no emotion to it. In the past hour, you've said at least six things that were really mean, and you still don't seem to have very much emotion," Carlos started. Logan looked up at him.

"You don't think I know that? Normally when I say these things people don't actually speak directly to me for a few minutes, but people kept talking to me! Sometimes when I speak, my filter's off. My brain doesn't control how I say something, or whether I should say it at all, and I just blurt it out. I don't mean to do it, but sometimes you guys make it too easy," he tried. He knew that last sentence was a bit harsh, and that's just another example. This time though, it was slightly partial to word vomit.

"Do you know why this happens?" Kendall asked quietly. Without saying anything, Logan nodded. Their expressions turned expectant, and Logan bit his lip. It would be stupid to keep speaking.

"Come on, Logan, tell us. The next few things you say won't be counted against you, we promise," James urged. Logan sighed.

"You know how I sometimes I have those…flashbacks?" Logan looked up at Kendall and Carlos, and they nodded.

"You know that's a symptom of PTSD, which you guys _also_ know I've been diagnosed with. Well, there's another not-so-commonly-thought-of symptom, where the victims of the disorder can sometimes feel nearly incapable of feeling certain things. My mental state go haywire sometimes, and other times they all just shut down. I have little control of it, and sometimes I turn off my emotions on my own. I don't like it, it's all because of my stupid dad."

"Why would you do that? You know what happens when you do," James pointed out. Logan sighed again.

"My emotions could also play a trick on me, and I could look like a real jerk if I say something mean," Logan explained. Kendall and James nodded, but Carlos didn't move.

"I wish you had told us this before. That way we would know what was going on. I was getting really worried that you were a robot or something," he told Logan.

"Today was really the only time where it was really noticeable. I didn't realize you guys knew it happened very much," he confessed.

"Well we did. Especially me," Carlos tried not to pout.

"I'm sorry, really. What can I do to make it up to you?" Logan pleaded. Carlos felt a smile nudge at his lips, as he thought of something.

"Smile." Logan complied, but it was more to amusement and relief than to please his best friend. Carlos received the brunt of the comments, but he was always the first one to get him back to normal. He was the one who brought the best emotions, the positive ones, back.

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**A/N: Did you guys like it? I really need to know, because I could do more one-shots like this one or Healing Heartbreak if you guys like it. Oh, and there's no deep explanation as to why Logan has PTSD, you can all imagine what could cause it, because of so many PTSD/Logan stories that are on here. This is just a different symptom. You can put this with another story if you like.  
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**~RosesAreForWriters  
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